A quick note from your curvy friend….

I am speaking on behalf of all my beautiful curvy sisters.  We love our svelte girlfriends way too much to tell you these things:

• You are not allowed to bitch about dropping the baby weight if you are in your pre-pregnancy jeans before the ink dries on your little one’s birth certificate.  We are still trying to get there and our little one is on her way to high school.

• “Clothing Swap Parties”….just don’t tell us.  You know damn well that nothing will fit us and you will just belt our shirts and wear them as dresses.  Super annoying.

• Swimsuit shopping should immediately be followed by a good cry and a bottle wine.  Your job is to hand us a tissue and keep our glass full.  It is advised not to speak.

• Statements like “she got HUGE…like a size 12” makes us run home to eat our feelings of shame.  You wouldn’t know that we are a size 14 because we cut the tags out of our clothes.

• Tread lightly when playing matchmaker for your curvy friend.  “I totally told him that you are super funny and have a great personality.  He is totally going to call” is translated to “I told him that you are fat, but he hasn’t gotten laid in awhile so he may drunk dial you”.

• If we are working out and dieting you are not allowed to admit that you haven’t sweated since elementary gym class between bites of mac and cheese.  We are fucking sore and fucking hungry.

• If we start to get in shape tell us that we look great and that you are proud of us.  Now that we don’t reward ourselves with Ben and Jerry’s we need the extra compliments.

• If you have shed some of your curves and are now sexy and svelte be kind to other curvy girls.  She needs you to remember what it was like.

• Lastly, just know that a lot of times we just feel self conscious…just like you.

If you are looking for a personal trainer who gets what it is like, I am here to help. 

Take my hand and step away from the treadmill

Ok ladies, repeat after me “I am not a hamster”.  Your human body was built for far more than eating lettuce leaves and running on an endless wheel.  Before embarking on this fitness education quest I was also on the starvation/endless cardio loop.  A “successful” day for me was eating next to nothing and spending half the day on the elliptical…so wrong and it made me feel like absolute shit.

I had a big Oprah “Aha Moment” when I started learning about strength training, specifically the effect that muscle has on your metabolism.  Simply put, the more muscle you have the more calories your body requires to sit on the couch watching reality TV.  If spending countless hours climbing imaginary stairs makes your skin crawl there is another way.

I know right now you are saying “I don’t want to be a muscle bound she-man”.  I totally get it!  I have firsthand experience watching a female body builder try to build and maintain “bulk”.  Trust me; it isn’t something that happens without an incredibly rigid diet and insanely intense lifting.  You can thank estrogen.

There are millions of different forms of “strength training”.  Most strength training exercises can be done outside of the testosterone haze of the gym weight room using basic equipment (i.e. suspension trainers, BOSUs, medicine balls, bands and dumb bells).  It really isn’t scary…promise.

Building muscle requires more than strength training.  It also requires that you eat, namely protein.  If your body senses that there may be a shortage of food your muscles are the first thing it will dump.  Precious fat will be stored to prepare for the certain famine (damn that “self preservation”).  Having said that, I am not telling you to run for the carton of ice cream (dairy is totally a protein source….right?!).  Be smart about your food choices.  Simple and clean…fruits, veggies, nuts and lean proteins.  

I know this seems like a lot to absorb, but it is just a different approach to looking hot in your skinny jeans.  As always, I am here to help you along the way.  I double-pinkey promise that you will not turn into the Incredible Hulk! 

Eye of the tiger!

I recently sported a bikini for the first time in my adult life (short pause for a little pat on the back).  By “bikini” I mean high wasted bottoms and a top with more support than the golden gate bridge…baby steps here.  I was feeling pretty damn good about myself.  Kennedy (my 3 year old) swam over to me and said “Mama, why do you have those stripes on your belly?  Are you a tiger?”.  Clearly, I was initially mortified, but it got me thinking.  I earned these stretch marks from being pregnant with the best thing I have ever created.  My stretch marks are more visible now because I have worked my ass off and dropped a substantial amount of weight.  

So, Kennedy, hell yes these stripes mean that I am a tiger!

A birthday…without the gooey mess of labor.

This marks the birth of TrainHer.  Personal training for real women.

I am confident that there are other women, like me, that are tired of hiring super skinny trainers who binge on pizza and jagger-bombs and still look hot in a bikini…other women who, like me, hear the siren song of their 3 year old’s left over animal cookies….other women who, like me, are busy as hell and need effective and convenient (and dare I say fun) ways to get in shape.  

This society is constantly inundated with the next “quick fix”.  Take this pill and you will be skinny, drink noting but this shake for 10 days and you will be the next Kardashian sister, pop in this DVD for instant 6 pack abs.  It has been my experience that the only thing that lasts is a realistic approach to health.  Don’t eat like a total asshole and try to move as much as possible.  The whole tortoise and the hare approach.  

Hell yes it is going to take some time and I will hit some sticking points where I will be grasping for the next quick fix, but I am not on an insane diet or a crazy fitness “kick your ass for 30 days” and sit on the couch the other 11 months out of the year.  I am building a healthy lifestyle, something that I can not only live with, but feel good about.   

Hop aboard and let’s get this shit figured out together.