I am speaking on behalf of all
my beautiful curvy sisters. We love our svelte
girlfriends way too much to tell you these things:
- You are not allowed to bitch about dropping the baby weight if you are in your pre-pregnancy jeans before the ink dries on your little one’s birth certificate. We are still trying to get there and our little one is on her way to high school.
- “Clothing Swap Parties”….just don’t tell us. You know damn well that nothing will fit us and you will just belt our shirts and wear them as dresses. Super annoying.
- Swimsuit shopping should immediately be followed by a good cry and a bottle wine. Your job is to hand us a tissue and keep our glass full. It is advised not to speak.
- Statements like “she got HUGE…like a size 12” makes us run home to eat our feelings of shame. You wouldn’t know that we are a size 14 because we cut the tags out of our clothes.
- Tread lightly when playing matchmaker for your curvy friend. “I totally told him that you are super funny and have a great personality. He is totally going to call” is translated to “I told him that you are fat, but he hasn’t gotten laid in awhile so he may drunk dial you”.
- If we are working out and dieting you are not allowed to admit that you haven’t sweated since elementary gym class between bites of mac and cheese. We are fucking sore and fucking hungry.
- If we start to get in shape tell us that we look great and that you are proud of us. Now that we don’t reward ourselves with Ben and Jerry’s we need the extra compliments.
- If you have shed some of your curves and are now sexy and svelte be kind to other curvy girls. She needs you to remember what it was like.
- Lastly, just know that a lot of times we just feel self conscious…just like you.
If you are
looking for a personal trainer who gets what it is like, I am here to help.
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